The Evolution of a Bath Pouf

The Tech Guy Shaun, aka The Tech Guy, aka my boyfriend, is here with another must-read “manly” review. He’s twenty-eight with normal-to-dry skin and suffers from no more acne (much to my envy!).  He has no dedication whatsoever to his writing duties here on Temptalia, given his absence of nearly seven months.  He says it keeps the public wanting more.

Shaun enjoys long walks on the beach, vegging out on the couch watching chick flicks, and cuddling with Mellan. Or maybe not! He handles all the behind-the-scenes action here at Temptalia, from tech support to server woes.

The Evolution of a Bath Pouf

All right, what is this thing called? You know… The spongey-majig? Bath… Pouf… Seriously, what is it really called? Bath pouf… So, I’ve been using something called a bath pouf for over ten years? I don’t know if I can go on.

(2 hours of reflecting and soul searching later…)

Yes, it’s true; I enjoy myself a good… Bath pouf… It is highly effective for exfoliation and administering shower gel to the various parts of my flesh! Wait until they hear about this at the next man meeting. Here’s the thing: there’s no good alternative to this to use in the shower!

You could use your hand, but I find that my hand doesn’t want to go certain places… And it tends to use up soap like it was hoarding it to sell on eBay. There’s the wash cloth, but I just find that thing limp and disgusting. I could use a loofa but my skin IS SENSITIVE. Plus, it’s a plant, and I barely want to eat plants let alone scrub my supple body with one.

Don’t even suggest to me the bar of soap! That thing collects hair like a broom at a hair salon (BOOM). Plus, it usually slips out of your hands and drops on your foot, then followed by: expletives, slipping in the shower, breaking your neck, and you taking a dirt nap! Do you want to single-handedly be responsible for the downfall of mankind?! Bar of soap… Pfft!

Let’s get on to the bath pouf! The bath pouf has three life-cycles. First is the cocoon phase. It is way too tight and doesn’t receive shower gel quite right. The lather-building is poor and the scrubbing is made difficult because of its lack of surface area! This is very scientific. However, once you’ve worked in the pouf it becomes a wondrous thing.

This cycle we like to call: ????? The magic of metamorphosis renders the bath pouf into a being of utmost perfection. It builds lather like a champ and covers your body perfectly with the right amount of exfoliation to scrub ratio. It is the perfect device for delivering your shower gel to your body!

The third phase is the saddest of all: the sunflower phase. Right when you’re getting into the tender years of your showering with your pouf, it grows old and tired and begins spreading out further and further until it has become an amorphous blob of sponge that can no longer be rendered as anything useful. The little rope around it breaks and becomes gross and slimy. It doesn’t hold its shape and becomes less useful in terms of exfoliating.

Here are some tips for you and your loved ones–feel free to read them to each other while sitting in front of a fire drinking a fine bourbon or cognac.

  1. Always wash the soap out of your pouf! If you don’t, the rope gets really slimy and feels so disgusting that you might as well just throw it out.
  2. If the rope breaks you can kind of re-tie it around the pouf and maybe get a few more showers out of it before it becomes unbearable to use. The rope is the lifeblood of the pouf, once it is becomes useless, the pouf loses all its majesty!
  3. To build a good lather, rinse it before use, then pour your soap on. Douse it a bit more with water and squeeze it a few times. This will give you a nice lather!
  4. Give it room to dry! You don’t want this thing to act like a petri dish. Plus it will wear out quicker if it’s constantly soaked.
  5. Buy many, and buy a few in manlier colors. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to cry myself through the shower while washing myself with a lavender pouf. Your guy will use it, but he’ll be more covert-ops about it if it is the color of lilac.

Tell me what you and/or your man use for body cleaning in the comments!