How do you deal with people who think beauty and makeup is superficial?


How do you deal with people who think beauty and makeup is superficial? Share!

I try to explain to them that it can also be an outlet for creative expression, a way to relax, and a way to simply play different characters and personas by changing up one’s look.

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For me, skincare and makeup is a way to take care of myself, to look better, to feel better, to express myself, to have fun. So to me, it’s very important, not frivolous or superficial. And it’s very sad but true — people do judge you by how you look, and study after study have shown that in general, beautiful people get better paid, get treated better, get better opportunities, attract more peple, etc. So looks are important.

I totally agree! I always think it’s funny people think makeup is excessive or vain. As a woman, I believe makeup is part of personal grooming. There’s nothing vain about wanting to present the best version of yourself to the world. Especially in a society that revolves around the concept of beauty and first impressions are everything.

I just get really annoying and say, I have no eyebrows in the morning!!! Or I say, I wear so much makeup that I don’t know what I look like underneath it!

My response to them depends greatly on *how* they say it or insinuate it. If they are snarky about it, or putting me down for it, I simply have no use for them especially if it’s someone who is not close to me. If, on the other hand, they sincerely do not understand what the draw to it is for me, then I WILL very nicely explain to them that this is something that I take pleasure in doing and it’s one of my creative, artistic outlets. It only gets me upset when it’s somebody I’m close to and they have a really sarcastic or mean it as a put down.

Honestly I havent had to deal with people like that and at my job, employees are encouraged to wear makeup because its a confidence booster.

Most of the time, I dont. First, I cherish my time and explaining why I care so much about makeup to someone who starts off hostile and supercilious would IMHO be a total waste. Second, it is! Superficial just doesn’t mean “useless” or “bad”. Makeup ans fashion etc are totally valid creatove outlets and the reason why they often aren’t seen as such is mostly down to misogyny. Third, listening and talking to haters is bad for your skin, trust me.

Well, first off I’d point out the irony of them obsessing over what someone else wears, because that’s never their business and it’s pretty shallow to fixate on that in the first place.

Second, I’d point out how beauty standards are nothing but a tool of oppression, and in case of women especially, their worth is directly linked to how normatively attractive she is to the male gaze — Which leads to people wearing certain make-up and clothing or even getting cosmetic surgeries because they feel they HAVE to. Rather than vilify these insecure people, why not focus on the reason why they’re insecure in the first place?

And third, make-up is often used as a creative expression. People absolutely do wear certain make-up and clothing, or even get cosmetic surgeries because they WANT to, and it’s well within their rights to do so. Someone is wearing “unflattering” lip color? Who cares. There’s no reason at all to make people feel bad for their choice in how they want to present themselves.

Whenever I hear people (especially cishet men) saying “nice guys don’t like women who wear a lot of make-up”, what I hear is “Why don’t women ignore the socially-constructed beauty standards and satisfy MY personal beauty standards instead?”. Because that isn’t concern, that’s ownership. It wouldn’t eliminate the insecurities forced upon people by the normative beauty standards, that just replaces them with a different set of insecurities.

I’m not nice and I’m not sorry.

What’s even more ironic, is that men *say* they don’t like all the makeup, yet those are the women that grab their attention initially. These same men often wouldn’t look twice at a woman wearing no makeup…

I agree. I think it also plays a part in why the neutrals and no-makeup makeup looks are so popular. I wonder how many guys realize their natural-looking girls are wearing a full face of makeup.

It seems incredibly common among people who wear make-up to be criticized for wearing make-up (“You wear too much make-up!”) AND for not wearing make-up (“Are you sick?”). Which is ridiculous.

I agree, it’s just silly. I’ve had an acquaintance who wore red lipstick to a date with a cis guy once, and he basically told her “Why would you wear that? Why can’t you be all natural like Kim Kardashian instead?”. Listen buddy, if you hate make-up that much, I have bad news to tell you…

i think im gonna have that made into a bumper sticker, might save a lot of unnecessary conversations… ” I’m not nice and I’m not sorry!”…possibly t-shirts too!

Love your reply! I agree. I would tell them that it’s creative way to express myself and that I simply just enjoy playing with it, as a hobby. And just like any hobby, it just can’t really be explained why you have it. I wouldn’t go any further to change their minds after saying that, they can believe what they want.

So, how do I deal with my mother? ๐Ÿ˜‰

I tell them the same — it’s art, at least to makeup lovers. Our faces are our canvases, only we get to show our art to everyone we meet!

Yes! Agree with you Christine. I work at a school. I am very firm about never telling anyone they should leave the house without makeup. I spend a lot of money on makeup, buy it multiple times a week, but it is a hobby. It is like a beautiful piece of jewelry that I enjoy, but need not be worn everyday. A face is like a blank canvas to express ideas. As I am hitting 40 now, I am starting to wear as more of a routine. At times it’s also the more pulled together grown up tool as I dress very casually.

I basically just explain that it’s been one of my favorite things since I was little and that I do it for me and not anyone else. I don’t wear make up to impress people, I do it because I love the entire process, from research to purchase to trying things out. I don’t feel like I need to change someone else’s definition of superficial (mostly because I probably can’t), so I just won’t talk about it with them.

It really depends. If it’s someone I likely won’t see again but can’t excuse myself, I say, “It CAN be superficial” in an agreeable tone with an emphasis on the “CAN” and then leave it there. I think that conveys I agree to disagree yet I acknowledge the validity of their opinion. I mean, if I’m all made up and they comment on beauty being superficial–well, that sounds confrontational and like they’re looking for a fight. I won’t indulge them.

However, if it’s someone I’ll see again and they’re getting to know me, then I elaborate. I could talk about creative/artistic expression. Or, how it’s evolutionary/biological instinct to look for desirable surface traits.

A bitchy look and changing the subject has always worked for me. Extra bitch points is I then take out a lipstick/powder and touch up in front of them. But I would never be so immature ^^

I just just ignore. Or I as them if they have hobbies or a venue for creative outlet? If they answer with a yes, then I explain that this is mine. My “collection” is my passion, and it give me a way to express myself creatively. Plus I like girlie things so there. And I have days when I just “play” with my stuff!

Or you can always say that if you’re not interested, that’s ok, you don’t need to focus on makeup and beauty. I’ll enjoy them for the both of us. ๐Ÿ™‚

But it is superficial by strict definition; something that exists or occurs on the surface. And I think superficial by nature; no amount of makeup on the outside is going to fix what is inside.

That does not mean it has no value or is not a fun and creative outlet.

I like your reply Christine! I I also like to add that sometime by enhancing your own features, it physically can lift your spirits and make you feel better. It does for me anyway.

I use different approaches, depending on the person and their perceptions of why beauty is superficial or antifeminist: 1.) Cosmetics and beauty treatments are self care rituals for me: the acts of skin treatments, makeup application and haircare give me comfort and time to think and relax. 2.) I’m a painter but I presently lack studio space, so I paint myself instead. 3.) I’m glad that we live in a country where we are both able to express our views. (Politely excuse myself from conversation, and find someone less judgemental to converse with!)

In my experience I’ve usually only heard things that that from men. Typically men who identify as feminists. I’m very quick to point out that at the end of the day, that kind of thinking is really just them… being a man… telling woman what she can and cannot (or should and should not) do. That’s not feminism.

I’ve learned to be wary of men (cis and trans) who identify as feminists instead of pro-feminist/feminist ally, because they have a tendency to do things like that.

I check to make sure that the person is 100% natural. No hair styling (dyes, cuts, combing, perms, relaxers) no piercings, no flashy clothing, no body fragrance, no aesthetic dentistry. Since most of the time the person is not truly natural, I verbally destroy them. They never seem to have anything to say, afterwards.

Or, you can ask what kind of car they drive, if they have the “latest” tech gadgets, etc… *Everyone* has *something* they can live without and/or downgrade, so we’re all “superficial” to some extent!

Exactly. I had a woman at the nail salon make a remark about my tattoos (I have 13). She liked my big butterfly, but then when on to say how she’d never have one because they were usually so tacky, would look terrible when one got old, etc.. I sweetly replied, “They’re not for everyone. I like my tattoos. I like your bracelets, too. Did you make them?”

She had turquoise and silver beaded bracelets on both arms, from wrists to mid-way up her arms. She had the good grace to blush and was nice after that. We ended up bonding over our crazy nail polish colors.

I have 3 tattoos (only because they’re expensive, or I’d have more, LOL!), and are all “strategically” placed-they show when I want them to, and are easily hidden when “necessary”. I also had them placed where aging/weight fluctuations wouldn’t affect their appearance.

I was a camp counselor at a religious camp that I grew up in, and I was told I would pretty much be going straight to Hell in a hand basket because I had one tattoo (a small, single rose on my right bicep) & a naval piercing. I stopped going to church after that… When I asked what the difference was between what I had, and multiple ear piercings, I was told the latter was “socially acceptable”, and a fashion statement. I *still* don’t see the difference…

Whenever I’ve gotten that line, I say, “Every temple I’ve ever been to was decorated to the hilt.” That never fails to shut people up. Just think of my tats as my stained glass windows…

If your tattoos are good quality work to begin with, they will look fine when you’re old. There’s tons of pictures online of seniors who are heavily tattooed, and you can see them in person on the street, in tattoo shops, and at shows. AND they look great, too.

What I’ve actually noticed is that the seniors I’ve seen with tattoos have taken good care of their ink, so it does still look good, and often seem to have more generally taken good care of themselves. Granted, there is some bias there, since the seniors who are out and about are going to be the ones in better health, and there’s also going to be a disproportionate amount of ex-military men, given what the world was like when they were all young. But it was something that caught my attention years ago when I was working at a shopping centre food court during university.

Ha, ha, ha! My tattoo shop had a sign that said, “The difference between tattooed people and non-tattooed people is that tattooed people don’t care if you aren’t tattooed.” But – thank you – I was afraid I was the one who went after anyone stupid enough to say something awful to begin with!!!!

MWAH!! Kisses to you – I’m always looking for an equally qualifying response that will level the playing field. Nothing like going for blood.

Oh, dear Heavens, isn’t that the truth?! I could own all of the UD Naked line (including the colors I don’t use of foundation and/or lipgloss) with the amount of therapy under my belt. And…it’s educational as well, all manner of learning to perfect an art is never a bad thing.

No one ever does. They might think it, but don’t say. They might realize i don’t GAS, or think they might be upbraided in language they don’t understand. (My favorite manner of put-down.) Yes to all of you. Andy Warhol quote might do: “I am a DEEPLY superficial person!” And THAT icon will last ’til eternity.

I haven’t really run into this personally, because my family has always been into makeup and allowed me to play with it from an early age. I seem to have always been friends with girls who also enjoyed it or just didn’t mind if I did. But I was never told I needed it to look pretty! It was always just for fun, until I met acne in middle school. Then concealer and foundation became a confidence booster. Since I still struggle with adult acne, makeup is a healthy mix of both: covering acne and scars keeps me from feeling like that’s all anyone sees, and eye/cheek/lip color is all a way to be creative. I like to experiment with colors and I like sparkly things. So there! ๐Ÿ˜‰

No one has ever said or implied anything like that to my face but an online chat forum I participate in has a few women who’ve said, over the years, things like “I don’t colour my hair or have it cut in a salon”, “I haven’t had a haircut in 15 years” or “I never wear makeup” (or “lipstick” or “use face cream”, etc.). I never say anything critical but, as all of these women are in middle age, I can’t help feeling bad for them. I like myself a whole lot and I’m pretty confident but I know I look better with a bit of lippie, concealer and blush. Skin that’s cared for (cleansed gently with something other than Dial liquid hand soap, and “treated” to a sunscreen with moisturizer) will just look better than skin that’s neglected. I’m rambling (it’s been that sort of weekend) but I guess what I’m saying is that I’ve never openly encountered a comment like that and I feel a bit sorry for people who don’t treat themselves to a bit of beauty care.

I agree! You don’t have to be a makeup junkie, but some skincare (sunscreen, cream, exfoliant ) and a little bit of makeup helps a lot. I know some people who don’t take care of their skin and never wear any makeup, I don’t say anything as it’s their choice, but it’s usually not a good look.

My mother is 66, and has pretty much never wore makeup in her entire life. On the few occasions she did, it just looked really strange. I remember seeing a picture of her when she was in her 20s, and just laughing hysterically! It simply doesn’t suit her. When I was in college, we had a special event/fundraiser, and I invited a close friend. This friend always wore jeans & flannels, but showed up in a skirt & full makeup. Again, nas beautiful as she is, and although she has *amazing* legs, her “everyday” look suits her best. That said, both women do take care of their skin, butmakeup isn’t always a wise choice!

I don’t. I haven’t come across anyone who has made mention of wearing makeup as a superficial issue. But I also have a sleeve tattoo and jewel implants, so I think those things probably detract from my makeup. But my makeup is tasteful and not overbearing.

I ignore ’em, or say amusedly that it’s just “art” and “fun stuff” for me, implying that I hold it lightly, with no implication that others should use makeup or think about it in the same way I do.

I don’t have much reason to bring it up “in real life” so it’s not a topic of conversation. On the rare occasion that I go on a shopping excursion with a co-worker during a business trip, I may say I need to run into Sephora or to pick up something I forgot (which is usually true) but it’s never turned into a philosophical or judgmental conversation, or else the co-worker says, “OH! I love that place. I’ll go with you!” Next thing I know, we’re having closet makeup discussions at the coffee machine.

I’m lucky; even though most of my friends don’t wear makeup, none of them have ever said anything along those lines. The broader internet community I’m a part of is largely made up of feminists who believe that it’s up to an individual woman to decide what she does or wears. I guess if someone said something, I’d just shrug it off. I’ve worked pretty hard over the years to not worry about what people think of me.

Simply. I don’t. There are much nicer things to do with time and energy, and I will not justify it with a reaction. It used to make me cranky, but then I thought about what it must be like on the giving end of judgments like that. Getting mad about it is a valid reaction, and it takes a lot of hard work and self esteem to overcome.

as in life i try to just keep it movin! if someone gives me a unsolicited comment, #1 i say to myself,”i dont remember asking”, and #2 usually people like that feel the need to overcompensate for something they’re lacking. Some people say, “i don’t have the time”, but didnt you just tell me how proud you were that you beat your Candy crush high score? If you dont like cosmetics its cool…one less product i have to worry about that may be out of stock!

Haha,.. I love your response. it’s s true. I just want to say if you want t wear your PJ’s to the store and no makeup because you don’t “have time”, It don’t care at all. But, just mind your business please. I have never even tried to play Candy crush because I have no interest. I’d rather pay with makeup and at least put real clothes on to go out.:)

Sort of depends on who it is. If someone in my family would say anything I would tell them to go well, somewhere else, or hold up a mirror and point out that is the “pot calling the kettle black.” Anyone else…depends on my mood at the time. I consider a question like that, no matter how it is asked, to be judgmental and not meant to be nice…so they get it back. I always say that *I* like make up, and doing my makeup and hair, whether they like it or not, is a better use of my time than sitting around being critical and judgmental. If I’m really in the mood, which I always am, I also point out that while, yeah, I probably wear more makeup than most people would want for themselves, I at least bother to look in the mirror before I leave the house as opposed to someone who thinks (enter hair, clothing, perfume – whatever I can tell is probably a personal insecurity with them) is an acceptable way to deal with such “thing” that shows such an obvious lack of care in the way they look. I’ve also pointed out that, yeah, make up is an optional thing chosen by the person wearing it…however, soap is an essential that EVERYONE should use (blatantly making them wonder if they smell). Yeah, I’m awful, but…why ask such a question? What possible “good” could come from a question like that? It’s not like they are poll takers in the mall. Live and let live. Not your thing – fine, but it’s my thing…I ENJOY it. My family’s first language is sarcasm. I don’t do pleasantries.

I haven’t really had that conversation with anyone because my friends and family accept who I am and what I like. In the wider media that topic can be raised and I would say that makeup helps women to look their best, feel confident and be proud of themselves. You can be feminine and express your femininity by wearing makeup and not compromise your feminist values – the two are not mutually exclusive. Besides, think of all the employment opportunities that cosmetics industry supports in many different countries and categories from chemists to retail assistants.

I brush of idiotic comments because it’s just easier to ignore and dismiss that care what people think you or your habits. In general, I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, happens in your 30’s I guess, lol.

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I explain that some people might use makeup to conceal a medical condition, as a means of personal expression, to meet certain aesthetic standards (for professional or personal reasons–while it’s a bummer that women are judged in part by their looks, it’s a reality many of us deal with on a daily basis), as an artistic outlet, or simply because they enjoy the look or application process or makeup community. My own reasons are a complex combination of all of the above, and I’m glad I can choose for myself whether to apply makeup to my own face. : )

I tell them I neither drink nor smoke and will continue to spend my (hard-earned) money however I please. Not that anyone has ever said that to me, in all honesty, but that would be my reaction if they did.

I also don’t buy magazines, which I consider a colossal waste of money and much more superficial than skincare and makeup.

I don’t care what people think. I think people that feel the need to criticize or comment about my love for make up are judgmental.

I don’t encounter this often, but when I do, I question the other person’s self-esteem. Makeup is just makeup. You can put it on, take it off, basically do whatever you want with it. Sometimes I don’t wear makeup and I feel more beautiful than if I had a whole face on, and vice versa. What I like about it is the choices you have. There is absolutely nothing superficial with that.

I get this from men especially my significant other, and they include the opinion that i don’t need it. So I take it as a compliment and I think they feel this way for two reasons. First unfortunately many women don’t wear makeup well. Secondly men don’t realize that even the most natural celebrity beauties have on makeup correctly and professionally.
But I love makeup because its a form of art and it’s another way to groom yourself. You’re not fully polished until you have considered applying makeup.

fortunately people don’t usually tell me to my face but they’ll make comments around me about how they can’t be bothered to do their own makeup or too much effort/time, or their troubles with makeup which cause them to not want to bother, etc. I just listen & don’t really get into it with them because i know makeup is personal. The way i do my makeup is not for everyone. its my outlet to make myself feel more confident. they probably do other things to make themselves feel confident that i don’t understand or bother with.

MAKEUP FOR ME IS A MEDIUM JUST AS Paint, clay and charcoal is a medium for an artist, I just express my art differently, than they do, everyday I play something different .

I deal with this on a weekly basis, mostly from my younger brother who is 18. He thinks my sister and I wearing make up “fake” and “dumb” and he basically thinks we are liars who hate the way we look so we don’t love ourselves. He’s adamant he wants to date someone who doesn’t wear any make up…he’s 18 and hasn’t had a single girlfriend #justsaying (LOL!) We’ve tried to explain to him that we don’t wear the make up to impress other people or to make ourselves look or feel “better” but no matter what we say his opinion doesn’t change. We’ve kind of just given up…trying to explain. To other people, I either ignore them or I just say you’re right it’s superficial it doesn’t make me any less of a person or a better person but it’s my preference so unless it starts killing me I won’t stop wearing it. Call it girly but I like pretty colors and glitter…oh well ๐Ÿ™‚

He’s just immature, he’ll likely grow out of it. If he doesn’t, he’ll soon find enforcing his own ideas of what women should and shouldn’t do and how they should look to be appealing to him is NOT acceptable to any self-respecting woman, whether she wears makeup or not!

I think that I’d stop trying to explain makeup to him & instead explain to him how judgmental, closed minded & hurtful his words are. Does he love his sisters? Then why does he call you dumb & fake or anything you do dumb or fake. Ask him if putting his sisters down makes him feel better about himself?

There are some amazing tips and tricks here! I haven’t had to deal with it often, but my mom doesn’t really get why I’m so into makeup (she does wear makeup/ is a hoarder of other things), or my bf thinks it’s kind of wasteful to have so much makeup (but it’s my money so he can’t say anything anyway! ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

I think a lot of people think they’re entitled to make judgments for some reason & I don’t understand it. No one needs anyone’s unsolicited opinion, and if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all!

As my mom once said, ‘are you looking out the window when you should be looking in the mirror?’

Oddly enough, I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone say something along those lines to me. Possibly because I also accessorise really well, and wear clothes that tend to express personality, so the makeup kind of blends into the whole package. So it’s either dead obvious that it’s another tool of self-expression, or they are intimidated by my fashion proficiency (some people have said that before!).

If I did get that, I’d simply say that it’s a hobby and it’s accounted for in my entertainment budget. Which is totally true! *g*

I did used to get questioned about why I would “waste money” buying coffee when I could make some at the office (which has a hot water dispenser, so you can make tea, or instant coffee blech), and my response to that was usually that it was my beer money as I didn’t go out drinking at the weekend.

My guess is that there is always some way for a person to try to infer that another person’s job, one that makes her happy, is less than it “ought to be.” I was once told that I had “a line of work” by a female engineer who had “a profession.”

I let the comment slide down to where it belonged. It didn’t have far to go.

My line of work involves words (writing) which become a bit more superficial and meaningless every day!

Any artistic endeavour is hard to measure in terms of short-term benefits. It’s safe to say that this question might not meant as a compliment. So I’d probably say something like, “Helping others to feel beautiful is never superficial.”

I really like the answers on here to this question. For me, I became interested in makeup during 1L year. I was having so much anxiety around finals time that I saw a therapist through student health to to get recommendations about how to get rid of some of the anxiousness. She recommended being able to feel and recognize the anxiety, but having some way of refocusing and being okay living with it. One tip to refocus was to pause and take out and apply a scented lotion on your hand, because the synesthetic experience could help you build an association with self-care. My ritual ended up being taking out my mirror and applying MAC lipstick, with its vanilla scent and the pressure of application creating a synesthetic moment, taking me away from the stress.

Usually I tell people this background story to explain how I got into makeup, and how it is more than a demonstration to others (though it is both). The other explanation is that because of the snow most of the school year here (and the accompanying daily boring parka), we only really get to express and develop our creative sensibilities in makeup, so my face became my “artist” palette. I also bring up that studies show that even high glamour levels of makeup are perceived as more professional and put together, and that is the image of myself that I want to convey to my peers–who will be colleagues in my industry. It’s annoying that women are judged so much based on the way we look, but judged we are, and I’ve made the decision for myself to meet that particular societal expectation. In a way, it’s kind of a visual demonstration that even though we are all super busy, I am disciplined enough to set aside the time to put on my face every day, haha.

Sorry, one more thing to add. This comes up often when I compare my field (law) to other fields. One of my friends, who is an ecology PhD student, told me about the anti-makeup, anti-consumerism culture in her department (side note: overwhelmingly female). She wondered how and why it did not feel superficial to me to invest that time in primping, and what my peers felt about it.

I think the question itself does not necessarily indicate that the asker is shallow, and I think it’s an important question to ask oneself when investing this much time, energy, and financial resources into an activity — to see our own motivations and question the gender politics behind the decision.

One of the things I like mentioning when people bring up whether or not people should wear makeup is that, for me at least, wearing makeup (regardless of the amount) doesn’t change who I am. I am the exact same person regardless of whether or not I am wearing makeup. And like 99.99% of women are still easily recognizable regardless of the amount of makeup they are wearing, so really people are freaking out about nothing. I also mention, why are you so concerned with what I am doing to myself? Why are you so concerned with the way I choose to make myself look? And, people can accept wardrobe as a valid method of self expression, so why is makeup any different? It’s really funny cuz also in my experience, the people who tend to bring this issue up also say that, appearances shouldn’t matter. If they shouldn’t matter, then the way I choose to make myself look shouldn’t matter to you at all. The amount of makeup I wear shouldn’t matter. For me as well, it’s also been such a huge confidence boost while I was really having a lot of self esteem issues because of severe acne. People, for some reason, think that wearing makeup to cover up acne automatically makes that person vain…that simply isn’t the case.

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