Friday, May 28th, 2010

Head & Shoulders

The Tech Guy Shaun, aka The Tech Guy, aka my boyfriend, ego was so inflated after last week’s debut review, he was quick to write another! He’s twenty-seven with normal-to-dry skin and suffers from no more acne (much to my envy!).  But apparently he has one very itchy scalp…

Shaun enjoys long walks on the beach, vegging out on the couch watching chick flicks, and cuddling with Mellan. Or maybe not! He handles all the behind-the-scenes action here at Temptalia, from tech support to server woes to being my shoulder to cry on.

Back by popular demand, the TECH GUY! IN 3D!

After reading all of your comments I got such a big head that I started strutting around the house like a Pharoah. I commanded Mellan to get me my royal slippers, but he just stared at me for a minute then whined for me to take him for a walk. Christine’s gone from withholding food to Corporal Punishment for this review, so let’s get this going before she figures out that I used up all her ExfoliKate and replaced it with anchovy paste.

I’m a simple man… Simple tastes.. Simple… In the brain.. Simple! And I like me some Head and Shoulders Shampoo ($7.99)!  What’s wrong with that?! I imagine the people at Head and Shoulders are Witches and Warlocks who sit over a boiling brew stirring their magical elixir and having forest animals bottle it. It’s magic! My head itches like crazy if I don’t use whatever is in the Head and Shoulders Dry Scalp bottle and I’m pretty sure whatever is in it has ruined my head and hair for life. I’m bound to them!

It had to happen–the unfortunate day when I ran out of my much loved Head and Shoulders Bottle, and I was required to buy a new bottle. Christine said she had plenty of shampoos for me to try! So I did whatever any man would do when faced with change: I ran out to the store to buy another bottle of Head and Shoulders! I got to the supermarket and found it. EIGHT DOLLARS FOR A SMALL BOTTLE?!?! Those Witches and Warlocks must have hit hard times, because they must be out of their mind if they think I’m spending that kind of scratch on shampoo!

So, I came back home and faced the precipice of change, and it looked grim. One bottle was bright yellow and smelled of flowers. This was not a good start. The other bottle was black and the spout was on the wrong end… The logic of it made sense, but how could I get used to such a change in basic bottle structure? Things were looking bleaker than ever.

I started off with the black bottle, and it went okay for a couple days, but then… The itching started. It was a bit itchy at first, but then it turned into full blown two-handed epic scratching that lasted for hours! The itching would start around 5pm and get progressively worse until I went to bed. This would inevitably end up with me itching my head profusely while trying to sleep and keeping me awake. My ability to covertly scratch my head was lacking, so it also woke Christine up, and let me tell you, she is not a happy camper when she is rudely awoken.

After having my head itch and ruin my sleep and turn my scalp raw from itching, I tried the yellow bottle. Things still did not go well. My head was itching, it was hard to get to sleep, and I was in an unfortunate state. By this time I had gone to Costco to try and find my best friend in the world H&S and it was no where to be found! What’s going on in this world?!

The last straw happened on a sunny Saturday. My brothers came down to visit and we were having a nice time chewing the fat and walking around our nearby park. That’s when it happened… From the sky ascended a beast of unknown origin, sent on a mission by the very Witches and Warlocks that created my fine elixir. I heard a buzzing right next to my ear, so naturally, I swatted at it. It became persistent. Then I felt a tap on my head, and another… AND ANOTHER… So by this time I was flailing around and screaming in a high pitched whine. “GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!!!” (Keep in mind that I’m a 6 foot tall, 200lb guy screaming like a 6 year old girl and flailing around like a crazy person.)

A minute or so into this, it’s still attacking the side of my head, and by now I’m literally running across the park swatting at my head in a mad dash for safety. After running across the field the merciless attacker finally relented and apparently vanished into thin air having made it’s point. I can only assume that it was a bee that had attacked me, but I also somewhat believe that it was the spawn of satan come to earth for five minutes to torment any guy unfortunate enough to be wearing floral smelling shampoo.

Needless to say, I broke down and bought a big bottle of Head and Shoulders and will never go back!

Recommendation: Great for a man who has an itchy head. Why buy anything else?! Head and Shoulders is the greatest product ever made!

Friday, May 21st, 2010

Alford & Hoff Moisturizer

The Tech Guy Shaun, aka The Tech Guy, aka my boyfriend, has been kind enough to grace us with his first beauty review!  He’s twenty-seven with normal-to-dry skin and suffers from no more acne (much to my envy!).

Shaun enjoys long walks on the beach, vegging out on the couch watching chick flicks, and cuddling with Mellan.  Or maybe not!  He handles all the behind-the-scenes action here at Temptalia, from tech support to server woes to being my shoulder to cry on.

I take on this task with an open heart and an empty stomach because Christine won’t feed me until it’s complete.

I’ve been using Alford & Hoff’s Moisturizer for what feels like a year but is more likely about two to three months. It’s a very thin moisturizer and goes on smoothly. It dries as quickly and easily as it goes on and requires very little working into the skin. By the way, I’m just making up all of this terminology as I go, so forgive me if I’m sounding pompous.

What’s great for us guys is that the packaging is lightweight and easy to use. It’s simple… yet sophisticated. You also have to twist the top to get the pump to appear, so I played with that for a half hour before my first use. The most miraculous thing about this particular packaging was when I sadly finished the bottle.

I pulled and pried on the top of it to see if there was a precious morsel left in the bottle, but I found that it was COMPLETELY EMPTY. I don’t know what kind of space age science they used when creating this bottle, but it didn’t leave anything left. And when I say it didn’t leave anything left, I mean the thing was bone dry! I was prepared to take a hacksaw and saw it in half to get the precious bits left at the bottom, but to my amazement it was all gone.

I’ll give this moisturizer one critique–and it’s not so much a critique than a warning–if you’ve just shaved and plan to put this moisturizer on then you might want to reconsider. It BURNS!!!! If you aren’t used to using aftershave or some equivalent then be prepared for your skin to feel like it was pressed into a waffle iron. And what guy can’t relate to having their face pressed into a waffle iron? Am I right?!

The most painful part about this moisturizer isn’t the post-shave sizzle–it’s the price tag. It’s hard enough to get us guys to put on moisturizer but paying 75 bones for it will be nearly impossible. This is where the ladies come in!  If you want your man to moisturize, don’t show him the price tag. Just buy it and sneak it next to the toothbrush. You may also want to chip in the extra 5 bucks for the version with SPF, because a lot of times I had to choose between this moisturizer and a moisturizer with SPF and the SPF version almost always won unless I was moisturizing at night.

Recommendation:   While reluctant to conform to my “review structure,” I (Temptalia) was able to weasel out, “I liked it, but I can’t justify $75!”

Availability: Alford & Hoff

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