Friday, June 4th, 2010

Philosophy Hope In a Jar

The Tech Guy Shaun, aka The Tech Guy, aka my boyfriend, continues to enjoy his romp here on Temptalia! He’s twenty-seven with normal-to-dry skin and suffers from no more acne (much to my envy!).  I couldn’t take Hope In a Jar (too greasy!), so I passed it onto poor, poor Shaun…

Shaun enjoys long walks on the beach, vegging out on the couch watching chick flicks, and cuddling with Mellan. Or maybe not! He handles all the behind-the-scenes action here at Temptalia, from tech support to server woes to being my shoulder to cry on.

LET THERE BE… SHAUN! Yes, it’s me–the tech guy–and my ego has continued to grow enormously. I now find it hard to manage standard doorways, so I have to have Christine insult me a few times to lessen my ego enough to get through the door. She enjoys this, so it’s win-win!  Christine also found out about my ExoliKate fiasco and put alcohol into my contact solution. Touché, Christine… Touché.

If you don’t believe in aliens or extra terrestrial life, then you probably haven’t taken a look at the gelatinous ooze that is Philosophy Hope In A Jar SPF 20 ($18.00). It is the oddest form of life I’ve ever come across. I don’t know whether to eat it, wipe it on my face, or take it to the CIA for testing. This stuff is bizarre.

When you first open up the jar, you kind of think you’ve been duped: whatever was supposed to be in this thing had obviously passed its prime. I asked Christine and she said that nothing was wrong with it and told me to take out the trash. I proceeded to stick my tongue out at her and told her to take out the trash herself! She then kicked me in the shin, and I then hobbled to take the trash out.

After a week of shin icing, I slowly gathered up the courage to take another look under the cap of the Hope In a Jar. It still looked the same. I jiggled the container, and it almost jiggled its way out at me causing me to drop it and run out of the room. I came back to see if it had eaten its way out of the bathroom and on its way to torment Tokyo, but it was still there… Waiting… Biding its time…

I finally touched this part-liquid, part-solid form, and it felt weirder than you can imagine. It felt like what you think Flubber would feel like. Anyone remember Flubber? No? Darn you kids!

You touch this stuff, and it kind of feels like a solid mass. You don’t really understand how you are supposed to use it. Eventually you realize you can pierce it so it becomes more of a cream. It’s hard not to take too much because you have to grope at it to get it to unlock from its solid form. Once you get pass the initial shock and rub it on your face you come to find that it’s a solid moisturizer. I tend to prefer moisturizers that dry quickly and this is not one of those. I assume this could have something to do with the SPF that is added, or the fact that it is a living organism and it doesn’t want to be absorbed into your skin. Whatever the case, it takes a good deal of working into the skin before it fully absorbs.

The other odd thing about this moisturizer is that it apparently, uhh… Bleeds? And the blood is… Yellow… I don’t know what it is, but I eventually opened it up and noticed a yellowish liquid in the jar. If this is not more proof that this form is alive, then I don’t know what is.

Recommendation: This does a good job moisturizing, but getting a guy to sit there and rub his face for a few minutes to get it to absorb thoroughly might be difficult. Having a moisturizer with added SPF is always a plus, though.

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Friday, May 21st, 2010

Alford & Hoff Moisturizer

The Tech Guy Shaun, aka The Tech Guy, aka my boyfriend, has been kind enough to grace us with his first beauty review!  He’s twenty-seven with normal-to-dry skin and suffers from no more acne (much to my envy!).

Shaun enjoys long walks on the beach, vegging out on the couch watching chick flicks, and cuddling with Mellan.  Or maybe not!  He handles all the behind-the-scenes action here at Temptalia, from tech support to server woes to being my shoulder to cry on.

I take on this task with an open heart and an empty stomach because Christine won’t feed me until it’s complete.

I’ve been using Alford & Hoff’s Moisturizer for what feels like a year but is more likely about two to three months. It’s a very thin moisturizer and goes on smoothly. It dries as quickly and easily as it goes on and requires very little working into the skin. By the way, I’m just making up all of this terminology as I go, so forgive me if I’m sounding pompous.

What’s great for us guys is that the packaging is lightweight and easy to use. It’s simple… yet sophisticated. You also have to twist the top to get the pump to appear, so I played with that for a half hour before my first use. The most miraculous thing about this particular packaging was when I sadly finished the bottle.

I pulled and pried on the top of it to see if there was a precious morsel left in the bottle, but I found that it was COMPLETELY EMPTY. I don’t know what kind of space age science they used when creating this bottle, but it didn’t leave anything left. And when I say it didn’t leave anything left, I mean the thing was bone dry! I was prepared to take a hacksaw and saw it in half to get the precious bits left at the bottom, but to my amazement it was all gone.

I’ll give this moisturizer one critique–and it’s not so much a critique than a warning–if you’ve just shaved and plan to put this moisturizer on then you might want to reconsider. It BURNS!!!! If you aren’t used to using aftershave or some equivalent then be prepared for your skin to feel like it was pressed into a waffle iron. And what guy can’t relate to having their face pressed into a waffle iron? Am I right?!

The most painful part about this moisturizer isn’t the post-shave sizzle–it’s the price tag. It’s hard enough to get us guys to put on moisturizer but paying 75 bones for it will be nearly impossible. This is where the ladies come in!  If you want your man to moisturize, don’t show him the price tag. Just buy it and sneak it next to the toothbrush. You may also want to chip in the extra 5 bucks for the version with SPF, because a lot of times I had to choose between this moisturizer and a moisturizer with SPF and the SPF version almost always won unless I was moisturizing at night.

Recommendation:   While reluctant to conform to my “review structure,” I (Temptalia) was able to weasel out, “I liked it, but I can’t justify $75!”

Availability: Alford & Hoff

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