Friday, May 28th, 2010

Head & Shoulders

The Tech Guy Shaun, aka The Tech Guy, aka my boyfriend, ego was so inflated after last week’s debut review, he was quick to write another! He’s twenty-seven with normal-to-dry skin and suffers from no more acne (much to my envy!).¬† But apparently he has one very itchy scalp…

Shaun enjoys long walks on the beach, vegging out on the couch watching chick flicks, and cuddling with Mellan. Or maybe not! He handles all the behind-the-scenes action here at Temptalia, from tech support to server woes to being my shoulder to cry on.

Back by popular demand, the TECH GUY! IN 3D!

After reading all of your comments I got such a big head that I started strutting around the house like a Pharoah. I commanded Mellan to get me my royal slippers, but he just stared at me for a minute then whined for me to take him for a walk.¬†Christine’s gone from withholding food to Corporal Punishment for this review, so let’s get this going before she figures out that I used up all her ExfoliKate and replaced it with anchovy paste.

I’m a simple man… Simple tastes.. Simple… In the brain.. Simple! And I like me some Head and Shoulders Shampoo ($7.99)!¬† What’s wrong with that?! I imagine the people at Head and Shoulders are Witches and Warlocks who sit over a boiling brew stirring their magical elixir and having forest animals bottle it. It’s magic! My head itches like crazy if I don’t use whatever is in the Head and Shoulders Dry Scalp bottle and I’m pretty sure whatever is in it has ruined my head and hair for life. I’m bound to them!

It had to happen–the unfortunate day when I ran out of my much loved Head and Shoulders Bottle, and I was required to buy a new bottle. Christine said she had plenty of shampoos for me to try! So I did whatever any man would do when faced with change: I ran out to the store to buy another bottle of Head and Shoulders! I got to the supermarket and found it. EIGHT DOLLARS FOR A SMALL BOTTLE?!?! Those Witches and Warlocks must have hit hard times, because they must be out of their mind if they think I’m spending that kind of scratch on shampoo!

So, I came back home and faced the precipice of change, and it looked grim. One bottle was bright yellow and smelled of flowers. This was not a good start. The other bottle was black and the spout was on the wrong end… The logic of it made sense, but how could I get used to such a change in basic bottle structure? Things were looking bleaker than ever.

I started off with the black bottle, and it went okay for a couple days, but then… The itching started. It was a bit itchy at first, but then it turned into full blown two-handed epic scratching that lasted for hours! The itching would start around 5pm and get progressively worse until I went to bed. This would inevitably end up with me itching my head profusely while trying to sleep and keeping me awake. My ability to covertly scratch my head was lacking, so it also woke Christine up, and let me tell you, she is not a happy camper when she is rudely awoken.

After having my head itch and ruin my sleep and turn my scalp raw from itching, I tried the yellow bottle. Things still did not go well. My head was itching, it was hard to get to sleep, and I was in an unfortunate state. By this time I had gone to Costco to try and find my best friend in the world H&S and it was no where to be found! What’s going on in this world?!

The last straw happened on a sunny Saturday. My brothers came down to visit and we were having a nice time chewing the fat and walking around our nearby park. That’s when it happened… From the sky ascended a beast of unknown origin, sent on a mission by the very Witches and Warlocks that created my fine elixir. I heard a buzzing right next to my ear, so naturally, I swatted at it. It became persistent. Then I felt a tap on my head, and another… AND ANOTHER… So by this time I was flailing around and screaming in a high pitched whine. “GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!!!” (Keep in mind that I’m a 6 foot tall, 200lb guy screaming like a 6 year old girl and flailing around like a crazy person.)

A minute or so into this, it’s still attacking the side of my head, and by now I’m literally running across the park swatting at my head in a mad dash for safety. After running across the field the merciless attacker finally relented and apparently vanished into thin air having made it’s point. I can only assume that it was a bee that had attacked me, but I also somewhat believe that it was the spawn of satan come to earth for five minutes to torment any guy unfortunate enough to be wearing floral smelling shampoo.

Needless to say, I broke down and bought a big bottle of Head and Shoulders and will never go back!

Recommendation: Great for a man who has an itchy head. Why buy anything else?! Head and Shoulders is the greatest product ever made!