Friday, August 27th, 2010

Old Spice Swagger

The Tech Guy Shaun, aka The Tech Guy, aka my boyfriend, is here with another must-read “manly” review. He’s twenty-seven with normal-to-dry skin and suffers from no more acne (much to my envy!).  Lately, he’s been smelling a lot like generic man.  Which is that “man” scent I’ve come to identify with men’s body washes these days.

Shaun enjoys long walks on the beach, vegging out on the couch watching chick flicks, and cuddling with Mellan. Or maybe not! He handles all the behind-the-scenes action here at Temptalia, from tech support to server woes to being my shoulder to cry on.

So, this is going to be the most epic standoff in the history of epic standoffs. In one corner, we have the manly and slightly insecure Old Spice Swagger Body Wash ($4.49 for 12 oz.) And in the other corner, we have the pinkest of the pinks in Dial Cherry Seed Oil & Mint Body Wash ($5.49 for 16 oz.).

Names

Dial might have a history setting mark in this category. The total name of this product is as follows: Dial Nutriskin with Fruit Oil Ultra Hydrating Body Wash Cherry Seed Oil & Mint. About three of those words mean anything to me and one of them is “&.” Old Spice on the other hand is much more mundane: Old Spice Swagger Body Wash. Dial should cut down on the words, but maybe that appeals to the female crowd? Do you ladies like to read while you wash your body? I prefer to look forlornly at my stomach wondering why there isn’t a six pack of abs there.

Grade

  • Dial: A Bronze Star
  • Old Spice: A Silver Star

Packaging

Old Spice’s packaging once again employs the grips on the side where you’d never grip the bottle while in usage, and it also feature a gray dot in the middle of its otherwise mostly red packaging. I’ve been staring at this dot for an hour… WHY ARE YOU THERE DOT? WHAT’S THE POINT OF YOU?! YOU SHOULD NOT EXIST!!! On my bottle, the label is not smooth on the bottle. There’s a wrinkle on it, and it’s driving me nuts, so it gets -1 point already. Dial’s packaging shape is curvy and very feminine. I like the label with the liquid and the cherry. DON’T JUDGE ME! It has no grips on the bottle and gets very slippery when wet.

Grade

  • Dial: 4/5 Points
  • Old Spice: 3/5 Points

Lather and Smell

I’m tired of beating this dead horse about male body wash and general scents of male products, but it doesn’t smell like anything but generic man smell!@$ I wish I had a better way to describe it. Dial on the other hand smells pretty synthetic. Like someone in the lab doctored up what they think cherries smell like and threw it in a bottle. I got no mint scent from it. Both lather up nicely, but Old Spice’s bottle seems conducive to over usage due to its “manly” spout.

Grade

  • Dial: B-
  • Old Spice: B

Ingredients

These days you expect to find the declaration of independence on the back of every bottle of anything, but in this case Old Spice actually has a respectable amount of ingredients in its body wash. Dial, on the other hand, has an ingredient list that eclipses the length of the last Harry Potter book. What is also entertaining is that Dial has to use a very tiny font size to even fit the list on the bottle, while Old Spice actually uses one that is legible without a magnifying glass.

Grade

  • Dial: Two Thumbs Down
  • Old Spice: One Thumb Up, One Thumb Turned Sideways

Final Grade

  • Dial: 70%
  • Old Spice: 71%

Recommendation: I wouldn’t really recommend either of them, although, they are both serviceable, but I’m running back to my Celebrate Love Shower Gel.

I’m on Twitter (@shauntechguy), viewing of Shaun The Tech Guy’s Twitter can lead to nausea, heartburn, upset stomach, indigestion, and diarrhea. YAY, PEPTO-BISMOL! Also check out our cool Dog Blog at: Paws and Kisses.

See another photo… Continue reading →

Monday, August 23rd, 2010

Every Man Jack Shave Cream

The Tech Guy Shaun, aka The Tech Guy, aka my boyfriend, is here with another must-read “manly” review. He’s twenty-seven with normal-to-dry skin and suffers from no more acne (much to my envy!).  This guy is all about GTL.  Well, gym.  And laundry.  On occasion.  OK, when he runs out of clothes!

Shaun enjoys long walks on the beach, vegging out on the couch watching chick flicks, and cuddling with Mellan. Or maybe not! He handles all the behind-the-scenes action here at Temptalia, from tech support to server woes to being my shoulder to cry on.

Some products are too over the top with their packaging, but this time we have the complete opposite. Packaging so dull that light can’t escape it. So lackluster that you nearly fall aslee…. What, huh?! Sorry, I was staring at the packaging and dozed off… Where was I?

Every Man Jack, which is one of the most ridiculous names for anything that I’ve ever heard is a serviceable Shave Cream ($5.99 for 6.7 fl. oz.), however, it cost me my marriage.. Intrigued?! I know I am!

I started using this stuff in the late fifties, when times were much simpler than they are now. They had Coke in glass bottles! Psh, plastic! How am I supposed to bludgeon anyone with plastic? I was using this cream, and it was going pretty well, aside from the fact that I’d get tired every time I looked at the bottle. Days passed after usage and I noticed that there was white residue in the sink. I would only see it at random because our sink is white and it kind of blended in with the scenery.

I started to harbor resentment: “I would never leave this muck in the sink! How dare she?!” I cleaned out the sink and gave the stink eye to Christine, but I didn’t tell her why. Weeks passed and the mysterious white residue kept reappearing. My rage was hitting its peak. There was only one thing left to do…. Murder!!! DUNT, DUNT, DAHHHHHHHHH.

I figured I would shave before the deed was done, one must always look presentable no matter how dirty the work is. I polished off a few Cokes and lined up the bottles ready for a good bludgeoning. While shaving, I noticed that it wasn’t Christine who had left the residue behind in the sink, IT WAS ME!!! PLOT TWIST! There was only one thing left to do. I took a Coke bottle and bludgened myself with it. An unfortunate ending to a tragic tale!

I’ve never really seen this type of thing before, but the stuff leaves quite a bit of white residue in the sink that requires a good cleaning, and hopefully doesn’t cause the downfall to your marriage like it did for me. I do, however, like this product. It works well, and there are no frills or anything that will slow you down, aside from trying to read the ingredient list. How does something so simple have such a long list in such a tiny font?!? BAH!

Recommendation: If you are buying your man shaving cream and he’s adverse to anything shiny, then this is the product for you. The bottle is so dull that instead of counting sheep you could count this bottle instead and never make it passed one. ZING!

Follow me on Twitter (@shauntechguy) and be amazed at my usage of words such as: bludgeon, bludgeoned, and bludgeoning. Also, we have a sweet Dog Blog at: Paws and Kisses.

Saturday, July 31st, 2010

Gillette Pro Glide

The Tech Guy Shaun, aka The Tech Guy, aka my boyfriend, is here with another must-read “manly” review. He’s twenty-seven with normal-to-dry skin and suffers from no more acne (much to my envy!).

Shaun enjoys long walks on the beach, vegging out on the couch watching chick flicks, and cuddling with Mellan. Or maybe not! He handles all the behind-the-scenes action here at Temptalia, from tech support to server woes to being my shoulder to cry on.

I haven’t used a straight razor in a long time. In fact, I tend to put off shaving as much possible. I tried Gillette’s ProGlide ($12.99) with a bit of reluctance because of the bad memories of shavings past. They came to me in the night much like the story of Scrooge. Each one was scarier than the last, but I persevered!

The main complaint I have with the straight edge is that it seemingly takes forever and is morbidly inconvenient. Maybe it was the razor, or maybe it was just the passage of time, but this was one of the quicker shaves I’ve had in a while. There’s no doubt about it, the straight edge does a far superior job than the electric razor does. This particular model came with a vibration feature, and I don’t know what it is about the term “vibration” but I feel… Dirty about it…

I used it reluctantly and induced Christine into a double blind test. How did I do this–no doubt you’re wondering–first, I did the two finger eye poke ala Ric Flair (ladies love wrestling references right?). After jabbing her eyes and doing the Ric Flair strut, I grabbed her hands and put them on either side of my face. She determined that the buzzed side was a bit smoother, and then she proceeded to point towards the ceiling. Upon observing what she was pointing at, I took a knee to the most sensitive area on a man’s body. The solar plexus.

This razor is very… Car-like (thanks reader, Proximity!): it’s chrome and has various gripping mechanisms all over its exterior. The problem with the chrome is upon getting it wet, it becomes slippery and could cause major or minor facial reconstruction upon slippage.

After three or four usages, the green strip at the top of the replaceable portion of the razor is already half white. This indicates that it is nearing the end of its lifetime. This is a bit quick for me, however, no one is forcing you to replace the cartridge, but getting only five or six shaves at full strength is a bit on the weak side.

Recommendation: It might be time to give the straight edged razor a try again electric fans. I think I’ll be sticking with it for the time being. This particular razor seems like a solid and reasonably price option. Give it a shot.

As has been said in the past, I am on twitter (@shauntechguy) and beside seldom updates, followers will receive a signed copy of my coming-of-age tale: The Tech Guy in You!*

*While Supplies Last**
**Supplies No Longer Last

See more photos! Continue reading →

Monday, July 26th, 2010

AXE Snake Peel

The Tech Guy Shaun, aka The Tech Guy, aka my boyfriend, is here with another must-read “manly” review. He’s twenty-seven with normal-to-dry skin and suffers from no more acne (much to my envy!). Can you tell he’s on an AXE kick? ‘Cause I think he maybe raided the entire shelf…

Shaun enjoys long walks on the beach, vegging out on the couch watching chick flicks, and cuddling with Mellan. Or maybe not! He handles all the behind-the-scenes action here at Temptalia, from tech support to server woes to being my shoulder to cry on.

Here marks the end of our tour of AXE products (hopefully). We’ll finish off with AXE Snake Peel Shower Scrub ($5.49). I guess what they were going for is some sort of body exfoliator, but they did not accomplish their goal. Instead of exfoliation, it feels like you’ve been to the beach and are trying to get the sand off. I assume that’s what they mean by “desert minerals,” because, once again, the ingredient list reads like Egyptian hieroglyphics. Three wavy lines means water!

AXE seems to continually mold things to be gripped in the most awkwardly way possible.  Instead of the man grip of doom, they mold the bottle in a way that no mortal man could squeeze. I guess it should be called the Zeus grip, because only Zeus would be able to squeeze out any product based on the grip AXE wants you to use. Look at that, this review is turning into an Egyptian and Greek history lesson.

Smell-wise… Generic man-smell… I wonder where these smells are thought up, because every one of them smells practically identical. After heavy usage of this product, it made Christine have a sneezing fit, so I guess if you are partial to repelling women away from you, then this might be for you. This product should be used by the likes of Brad Pitt and that guy who plays the lead in Twilight–Edward Von Vampiro or whatever his name is.

Recommendation: Useful if you’ve never used a real body exfoliant. Not that I’d know anything about that… *whistles* …. *runs*

Just in case you haven’t heard, I’m on twitter (@shauntechguy) and apart from hilarious updates I go into detail about the sordid life of a Temptalia Tech Guy. Filled with adventures such as: Complaining about coding, complaining about the server, and complaining about making videos.

See more photos! Continue reading →

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

The Tech Guy Shaun, aka The Tech Guy, aka my boyfriend, is here with another must-read “manly” review. He’s twenty-seven with normal-to-dry skin and suffers from no more acne (much to my envy!).   Can you tell he’s on an AXE kick?  ‘Cause I think he maybe raided the entire shelf…

Shaun enjoys long walks on the beach, vegging out on the couch watching chick flicks, and cuddling with Mellan. Or maybe not! He handles all the behind-the-scenes action here at Temptalia, from tech support to server woes to being my shoulder to cry on.

Well, the sponge (aka AXE Detailer Shower Tool; $5.99) is part of my AXE product tri-fecta. And frankly? I don’t like it! It’s too small for my hand, and it will probably only fit the creator’s hand correctly. It has these grips that if your fingers are positioned correctly create the man grip of doom. I don’t know who would wash themselves with a grip like this, but it looks like how you’d grip a sword on the way to battle.It has hard plastic around perimeter and once it gets a bit of suds on it becomes too slippery to get a decent grip on. It has little cut in grooves to try and combat this, but they fail miserably.

The sponge itself is too small to get any large area of the body efficiently and leaves you with a “I missed a spot” feeling. The funny thing is that it’s not good in “tight” areas either. It’s too unwieldy because of the hard plastic and doesn’t form well enough to get the intimate curves of a man’s flesh.

On the opposite end there’s a scruffy sandpaper like side that is apparently used for buffing the rough edges on your body. I don’t know where the typical guy would use this, but I have scruffy elbows and tried using it on them. It feels like what you’d expect sand paper to feel on your body–like pain. It didn’t seem to do anything about my rough edges, because I still scratched Christine when I was elbowing her out of the way to get to the last piece of pie.

Recommendation: Might be useful to someone if you’ve never used the all powerful MESH POUF BATH SPONGE.

FYI – I’m on Twitter at: @shauntechguy. Followers receive benefits such as: The ability to read my tweets, a significant boost in self-confidence, weight loss, increased intelligence, and telekinesis!*

*Individual results may vary.

See more photos! Continue reading →

Tuesday, July 13th, 2010

The Tech Guy Shaun, aka The Tech Guy, aka my boyfriend, is here with another must-read “manly” review. He’s twenty-seven with normal-to-dry skin and suffers from no more acne (much to my envy!).  After much brouhaha over AXE commercials, he decided to give it a try himself (I really think he was hoping for hilarity to report back with)–but let me tell you, I kept sneezing every time he wore this!  Not offensive necessarily but really got my allergies going.

Shaun enjoys long walks on the beach, vegging out on the couch watching chick flicks, and cuddling with Mellan. Or maybe not! He handles all the behind-the-scenes action here at Temptalia, from tech support to server woes to being my shoulder to cry on.

I’ve never been one of THOSE guys… You know, the club going, glittery shirt, spiky hair kind of guy? But I’ve heard a lot of negative stuff about AXE and its various products that are seemingly targeting THAT guy. So, being on the outside looking in… And I don’t mean the guy in the line outside of the club looking in… COME ON, I’VE BEEN WAITING OUT HERE FOR THREE HOURS! Ahem, I decided to give AXE Body Spray a try.

First, if you are a guy, you have to realize that this isn’t an antiperspirant.  It’s not going to stop you from sweating when you are cutting a rug and showing unsightly spots around the pit region of your brand new glittery Ed hardy shirt. As for the smell, I took a whiff of various models and picked one with the least offending odor. To me, it just smells like generic man smell. I couldn’t differentiate it with any other man body spray.

The usage is a bit odd. They tell you to spray six inches away from your body, and while this gives you full coverage it also sprays about half of it into the atmosphere causing a hole in the ozone layer directly above you. I think this is the reason why most guys who use this stuff end up turning a bright orange color.

If you don’t douse yourself in the stuff, it lingers for a decent amount of time and will cover any frosted tip or hair wax smell that you may be harboring. On the bottle it claims that there’s “citrus extract,” but a quick look at the ingredient list yields a list of words so foreign to the human eye that it might as well be in KLINGON! Star Trek reference! BOOYAH!

RECOMMENDATION: It’s not for me. I don’t think it’s a bad product, but I would rather have a deodorant that prevents sweating and doesn’t potentially blind me if I go too medieval with the spray can.

Just FYI, you can follow me on twitter @shauntechguy. If I ever decide to take over the world all of my twitter followers will be exempt from slave labor. Just keep that in mind.

See more photos! Continue reading →

Page 1 of 212