Magellan Says: Mom’s Face Sucks
I thought I’d make Magellan earn his keep by writing his own column this week (and hopefully keep him out of my hair for a few minutes, at least). If you missed it, I recently adopted a yellow labrador (February 15th), and he is currently twelve weeks old. His name is Magellan, or as we affectionately call him, “Mellan.”
I’m Magellan–Mom and Dad insist this is my name, but I also hear the word “NO!” a lot, so I wonder if that’s really my name instead. It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve tricked me!
Ever since I got here, Mom has been complaining about her face and totally blaming me for it. She says I cause acne! I don’t think so. I think it’s all that gunk she puts on her face. Does she really think I want pink lipglass on my leg? [Mom: Maybe you shouldn’t squirm in my arms!]
Mom must have ordered a whole lot of stuff to try and fix the problem I caused (yeah right!), because all these boxes came into the house for me to chew on. When she was using Zeno, she would get mad at me when I tried to jump on her. Hey, the thing makes this sweet video game sound, it wants to play! Thermaclear makes less noise, and she’s been more covert and using it out of my sight so I haven’t been able to nab it.
When I licked her face, she yelled something about “Benzoyl Peroxide” and getting her face dirty after she had just cleaned it with “AHA/BHA Cleanser”. She’s so grouchy, can’t a boy kiss his mama?
I think Mom is getting wise to my tricks, because now I know if she cleans her face, she isn’t coming near me anymore. She makes sure she cleans her face and goes right to bed! At least she remembers to say goodnight before she goes to scrub off all that makeup gunk.
And you know what she’s whining about now (and they say I whine, please!)? Her eyes! First she’s allergic to me, her darling angel of a son [Mom: darling?], and now she is grumbling about spring. I keep trying to bring her flowers, and then she says something like “drop it,” whatever that means!
So Mom has been kind of miserable lately, and she’s laid off the makeup, which is good for me because it makes it way easier to try and kiss her face. She says she doesn’t like it, but I think she’s just playing hard to get! [Mom: No, I really don’t like it, that’s so gross, I know where that tongue has been! Yuck!] I think she solved her acne problem, because she is not blaming me for making her look like a “pizzaface” lately. Not that I caused it, nope, not me! Time to go bother Dad, Mom’s getting all “work mode,” which is so totally boring.
Paws and kisses,
He’s right — I suffered terrible acne all along my lower face and jaw, which all cropped up shortly after his arrival. With the help of Zeno/Thermaclear, I was able to clear up some of the bigger guys, and then Benzoyl Peroxide (10%) helped to significantly reduce the little ones. However, it has also made my face ridiculously dry, so I’m currently battling that, but that’s not nearly as tough a war as acne is.
I’m also mildly allergic to dogs (which I had attributed to outside dogs, so more of the things they get into outside, turns out not the case!), and with spring finally upon us, my eyes are going a bit haywire. A little red, itchy, and not exactly conducive to wearing makeup, which explains the lack of looks in the past week or so. Bear with me as I adjust to the very pretty, but oh-so-terrorizing, season of spring!
If you want to see more pictures, you can see them here.