Wednesday, March 19th, 2008

I thought I’d make Magellan earn his keep by writing his own column this week (and hopefully keep him out of my hair for a few minutes, at least). If you missed it, I recently adopted a yellow labrador (February 15th), and he is currently twelve weeks old. His name is Magellan, or as we affectionately call him, “Mellan.”

I’m Magellan–Mom and Dad insist this is my name, but I also hear the word “NO!” a lot, so I wonder if that’s really my name instead. It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve tricked me!

Ever since I got here, Mom has been complaining about her face and totally blaming me for it. She says I cause acne! I don’t think so. I think it’s all that gunk she puts on her face. Does she really think I want pink lipglass on my leg? [Mom: Maybe you shouldn't squirm in my arms!]

Mom must have ordered a whole lot of stuff to try and fix the problem I caused (yeah right!), because all these boxes came into the house for me to chew on. When she was using Zeno, she would get mad at me when I tried to jump on her. Hey, the thing makes this sweet video game sound, it wants to play! Thermaclear makes less noise, and she’s been more covert and using it out of my sight so I haven’t been able to nab it.

When I licked her face, she yelled something about “Benzoyl Peroxide” and getting her face dirty after she had just cleaned it with “AHA/BHA Cleanser”. She’s so grouchy, can’t a boy kiss his mama?

I think Mom is getting wise to my tricks, because now I know if she cleans her face, she isn’t coming near me anymore. She makes sure she cleans her face and goes right to bed! At least she remembers to say goodnight before she goes to scrub off all that makeup gunk.

And you know what she’s whining about now (and they say I whine, please!)? Her eyes! First she’s allergic to me, her darling angel of a son [Mom: darling?], and now she is grumbling about spring. I keep trying to bring her flowers, and then she says something like “drop it,” whatever that means!

So Mom has been kind of miserable lately, and she’s laid off the makeup, which is good for me because it makes it way easier to try and kiss her face. She says she doesn’t like it, but I think she’s just playing hard to get! [Mom: No, I really don't like it, that's so gross, I know where that tongue has been! Yuck!] I think she solved her acne problem, because she is not blaming me for making her look like a “pizzaface” lately. Not that I caused it, nope, not me! Time to go bother Dad, Mom’s getting all “work mode,” which is so totally boring.

Paws and kisses,
Mellan

He’s right — I suffered terrible acne all along my lower face and jaw, which all cropped up shortly after his arrival. With the help of Zeno/Thermaclear, I was able to clear up some of the bigger guys, and then Benzoyl Peroxide (10%) helped to significantly reduce the little ones. However, it has also made my face ridiculously dry, so I’m currently battling that, but that’s not nearly as tough a war as acne is.

I’m also mildly allergic to dogs (which I had attributed to outside dogs, so more of the things they get into outside, turns out not the case!), and with spring finally upon us, my eyes are going a bit haywire. A little red, itchy, and not exactly conducive to wearing makeup, which explains the lack of looks in the past week or so. Bear with me as I adjust to the very pretty, but oh-so-terrorizing, season of spring!

If you want to see more pictures, you can see them here.

Discussion and debate are highly encouraged, and we expect community members to participate respectfully. When asking a question, please check the FAQ section (above) for information about purchasing, price, dupes, and the like. If you have general feedback or need technical support, please contact us.

Comments that include advertisements, self-promotion, insults, etc. may be in violation of our comment policy and subject to deletion. Please see our comment policy for more information.

37 thoughts on “Magellan Says: Mom’s Face Sucks

  1. annie

    Awwwwwwwwwwwww…..what a cutie. Is he getting big? I have a 1 yr old Golden Labradoodle (fancy name for a black golden retriever) who is a 60 lb lapdog. His daddy says over and over that I shouldn’t let Willie sit in my lap since he’s HUGE but I don’t listen. :)

    • How cute! He’s probably at twenty or so pounds right now. I imagine he’ll get up to sixty soon enough! Aww, that’s still so cute. My other dog (who resides with my parents) is named Willy, though he’s a terrier mutt.

    • Carolina

      Hey Annie, I’m not very familiar with the new breeds, but if it’s anything other than golden, it’s a Labrador retriever. The golden retrievers are always some shade of gold.

  2. Tekoa

    *is turned to mushy goo by the puppy cuteness*

  3. Brooke

    he is so cute I just love him to bits!

  4. Chrissy

    That was hilarious, Christine! I love it!

    He’s gotten even more adorable, if that’s even possible. :)

  5. Carolina

    Oh my God, how cute is THAT! It reminds me of my own Golden Retriever when she arrived, all soft tummy and sharp teeth. Of course she now weighs 35kg (77lb), so more often than not it’s us on top of her, kissing and rubbing her. She’s also not a very good retriever, except when it’s in her best interest. ;)

  6. claudia m

    Omg, how adorable!!! I love his pictures and his story Christine. I can only imagine how much trouble he’s getting in. =)
    I love my *interesting looking* little dog too, he’s a black/grey mixed terrier with an incredible underbite, so his teeth always stick out. Everyone loves him, so he’s a “people person”…. sometimes too much, lol!

  7. He really is a little poser, isn’t he! I think animals know that they’re cute and use that to their full advantage… I know my cat does ;)

  8. Nell

    He is the cutest little puppy! Thank you for sharing your pictures, and of course thank you Mellan, for your wonderful column, I see a great career in journalism ahead…

  9. Davina

    omg, he’s getting so big already!
    and *ugh*, sorry about your breakout, that is about the most frustrating thing to deal with. i have wicked allergies too, but decided to take a walk yesterday since it was so sunny & everything is starting to bloom. i had to race home 10 minutes later because my eyes were so puffy!

    • I know! He is growing by leaps and bounds.

      Yuck, allergies suck. I’ve been taking an allergy pill everyday since we got him, but with spring around, it’s like a double whammy and it’s not cutting it! Sorry to hear about yours :(

  10. n.fiona

    aaaahhh… i was just about to ask you for an update on magellan. sooo adorable. i love the paws and kisses log. brilliant!

  11. This is sooo funny Christine! I love Magellan! He has quite a personality too. I think my kids are thinking the same thing about me too. And I’m sure once they learn to really talk, I’m in for big time grumbling, lol. Have a great week hun :)

    • Gosh, I don’t know whether to be thankful he can never really talk to me, or be pissed because at the same time, it’s way hard to communicate, “NO, don’t eat my shoes,” and “NO, you can’t jump on me with your muddy paws.”

      Dog-raising is so hard, good luck with those kids ;P

  12. Jan

    Awwwww! It’s hilarious, the column! Looking forward to reading more from Magellan, hope your (Mom’s) acne clears completely!

  13. Oh my, Mellan is too cute!

    Hopefully your skin will get back to normal soon – at least the dry of the winter is getting to be less and less now so that won’t affect you as much :)

  14. Beda

    “Mom…darling?” lol Come on mommy, Mellan is way cooler than the word darling. LOL. MELLAN: excellent column cutie! You made me laugh =D CanĀ“t wait for the next one.

  15. Tina

    Oh my gosh, Christine – he is adorable! The pictures from your gallery are way too cute. He reminds me of my dog’s puppy days. I love your photography skills too, it really captures his playfulness!

  16. Mellan, don’t you worry , Mom loves you very much, just go easy on the licky part okies? I agree with your mom that the tongue has been in all un-holy places and she would not want that on her pretty face. Christine, hope your acne vanishes away and leaves you not-dry skinned and pretty very soon! Love his pictures..though the angle in some of them looks similar to your FOTD pics ;) Hehe! Hope we have features from Mellan often, cos he’s a cutie pie!

  17. AWW HELLO **MELLAN** HOW R YOU? YOU’VE GOTTON SO BiG SWEETiE!! iT’S NICE UR MAMA LET U DO YOUR OWN LITTLE COLUMN!! YOUR SOOOO ADORABLE!! MAKE SURE U TAKE UR WALKS HUN!! AND TELL CHRISTINE TO BE NICE TO YA, HEHE… BYE BYE MELLAN!!

    MAC_GiRL (AND MY FROM MY PUPPY TOO, *ENA* 1 1/2 MONTHS)